lessons learnt

from now on, as long as blogger lives on, i swear to never erase any entries again. did it once before. and immature as the previous entries were, they still had their purpose of existence.

i left her, last month, and this time i guess it is for good. it was not meant to work out from the beginning. we made it work for the past one and a half years, but i am not sure if i can go on forever.

the good times were good. i enjoy making my loved ones happy, and enjoy seeing you happy. i like how easy it is to make you happy, when you could be made happy, maybe it was because you loved me. i dislike how i could not make you happy, when you are filled with anger towards other things. come to think of it, i am the same too, isn't it? maybe that is what scares me the most. you also said before, about us being two people with equally bad temper. we tried to accomodate to each other, but wasn't it hard? i don't wish to rake up the past anymore either. it has passed and i think we should just make the best of our lives from now on. so that everything would have been worth it, right? these days, when sometimes i really feel down, i did have the thought of going back to you. but rationally, i know even if you do take me back, it would never be fair to you. and moreover if somehow we work out again, you would only feel more uneasy, trying to anticipate when the next breakup is coming again, even if it might not be true. like you had text-ed me, pretending that everything was fine, we could well sit down and talk about the old times like old friends someday. i hope for that day to come eventually.