valentine's day

my twenty-third valentine's day. the second time that it meant something. the first was with my then girlfriend. this second one is with myself. i thought that i had found happiness, but no, happiness has not found me yet. do you know how much it hurts to see the people around you all smiling but there you are faking a smile. can someone make me happy please. well wait actually i found that someone. but too bad. too bad.

sometimes when i'm happy i like to drink. and usually when i'm sad, too. because chemically, alcohol liberates you. it amplifies whatever you are feeling. so if you are truly happy, you will laugh like never before. if you are sad, you will cry. if you are feigning happiness, you may still be able to fake that laughter, but after a few more rounds, it will show.

i'm tired. really really tired.