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after one year with her, it feels as though i have gone through everything there is to a relationship. the joys, uncertainties, doubts, insecurities, promises, frights, fights, time-outs, slammed phones, screaming, patch-up's, debates, surprises, misunderstandings, giving in, cuddles, kisses, hugs, tears, worries, and much much more that i can't put into words for now. it feels as though time has passed too fast, yet as though we had spent forever with each other.

i am not a good person. i'm often angry, selfish, scheming, hypocritical, crude, pessimistic. and i am not proud of it. i don't think anyone was born like that, it is just an acquired condition. if i could, i would be a nice generous loving naive person. but i can't because i had enough of being lousy and weak and made use of. i don't know how someone can fall in love with the real me. or the fake me. i don't know which i am anymore. but to my girl i know i am both. sorry for putting you through all that. and you will be my girl, regardless of your looks your shape your wealth your health your age your whatever. i don't know how, but no matter what comes i will make things work out. of course it would help that you help me with it all too.

i can't promise you forever. you are well aware that promises are no good. but do you know that i love you beyond anything you and i will ever comprehend. many times you have asked me why, and i really don't know. i really don't know. it is not a rational decision. it is not something that can be explained. to be frank sometimes people have asked me why too, and i still don't know. there is no why, you know. there is only this truth that i did and i do and i will love you. that you must keep in mind no matter what happens. whether or not we would be together till the day we die, bear this in mind. because you have to know that this heart of mine would be back to you irregardless. it is something that would always be yours no matter how many slim slender legs perfectly shaped bosoms firm round bottoms flawless pretty faces or even angelic-personality girls. even if they are dumb enough to fall for this lousy man of yours, you shall know that i'm yours.