dry

i do not comprehend how you can be so selfish when it comes to a relationship. when you can be giving much more than you are capable of in other commitments. i would define one's capability as the maximum capacity that one can be outputting healthily without forsaking other things in life. is it not so? for instance, if one is giving one's all into one's career, but neglecting other things such as one's family, then it could be thought of as having exceed one's capability. of course, this is very subjective. but i personally feel that a measure of capability needs to factor in considerations of a balance in life. this is as opposed to some exceedingly 'driven' individuals' beliefs of realizing one's true potentials in particular areas, at the expense of the other aspects of life.

i do not expect you to understand or share my view. however, please exercise some discretion in your choices. i am fairly flexible with subverting some of my personal values to make things more comfortable for you. please just take notice of those efforts and do not limitlessly deplete our relationship. the bare minimum you can do is to take good care of yourself. from our previous conversations, i believe you more or less having some common understanding towards our relationship, and the degree of compromise i am willing to make until you are ready to and comfortable with contributing together towards it. the bottom line is that: i would do my best to keep us going; please help me, and take good care of yourself, to save me worry.

worthless

it is a sobering thought; how worthless a shared relationship is to you. through all the words you said. i could not help but laugh at myself.

a part of me died last night. will you save us? will you save me? will you
understand what i want? the remaining part of me does not dare to hope anymore.