Expectations are necessary. However, over-expectations and unrealistic expectations are not healthy. This issue will be the main gist of my post today.
Ever since that weekend where you made those comments regarding my lack of drive and direction, I just could not stop thinking about it. As I have repeated many times over, just because I am not exhibiting these to you does not mean that they are non-existent. Primarily, this is due to a difference in values. I will be very frank here. I do not believe in openly declaring my plans, as I am somewhat afraid of falling short, and being judged on it. This is particularly reaffirmed by your persistent display of expectations for me, or rather for this idealistic significant other to share an idealistic lifestyle with. In fact, through the resurfacing of this issue despite the false belief that things have been clarified, it has led me to feel less and less appreciated as an individual. I have to state that this is merely the impression that I have gathered from our discussions, and you have the right in maintaining your position.
I will not begin criticizing your beliefs and your expectations. I respect you and your right in setting these standards. On the other hand, I hope to bring forth the point that your comments did inflict quite an amount of hurt. I understand that my actions had ignited the incident, and you may explain that you did not mean the comments you made. Yet, I feel that other factors aside, your words did clearly express your attitude. Yes, you come from a background where it is expected for you to find a significant other of comparable status - in terms of education level, as you mentioned. If I remember accurately, you also mentioned that while you have these clear goals, such as going on a certain career path, or attaining a particular position in your field, I do not seem to have such aspirations. I will put my stance across very clearly now, in a bid to reduce future conflicts over the same issue:
As of today, I have no interest in taking up anymore further degrees, immediately after graduation from my course. In the long run, however, I have planned to work for the minimum required number of years, then take up a MBA to broaden my skill set and career horizon. For the time being, my plans include obtaining a useful Industrial Attachment position - which I have now successfully secured - and if possible, take up a Summer Internship programme. However, you have to understand that it is not the norm for companies in the engineering industry to even offer such opportunities in the first place. Rest assured though, that I have been keeping a lookout for any chances, as I have briefed you along the way. As for my career path, I will speak on a personal basis. I have not seen enough of the industry to know for certain which specialization I will be going into, or what type of work I will be doing. I believe that I will get a better picture post-IA, and after another two years of curricular exposure. For now, I feel that my interest is more towards the dynamic side of the industry, as opposed to pure research, or pure engineering. This is unlike your situation, where you will almost certainly be entering the workforce as an accountant. I do not see any problem in that though, since I will be having a wider perspective, and a more diverse training through these two years. As for an ultimate goal, my aspiration is unlike your wishes to become a CFO. I would prefer to get into a high management position eventually. However my ultimate goal is not to remain in the industry, but rather to be an entrepreneur of some sort, or at least to juggle that with a high-paying management position.
I will now give some honest feedback on how I feel towards some of the comments you made, and the beliefs that they stand for.
If you are looking for paper qualifications, and you are going on to do your further degree immediately after graduation, I regret to inform you that I will not have any comparable one. Not until I obtain my MBA. If you are looking for career aspirations, job security, or salary, I have did the best I could to quantify my situation. Engineering is very different from the finance sector, and I do not expect you to accept it totally, but perhaps you can try to recognize and reconcile this disparity. Salary-wise, if you really wish to make the comparison, a good engineering position could actually fetch more than your measly-paying first few years as an accountant. Some other points have already been mentioned earlier, and I shall not repeat them here. On a more personal note, I clearly remember trying to tell you that, perhaps due to my family and my middle-class background, we have no misgivings of this sort towards you - and you mentioning, in essence that perhaps it is because you are already above our expectations, and in other ways such as emotionally, you are not able to commit as much now. I sincerely hope that this does not reflect your values, because otherwise I feel that you have failed as a person. We do not impose our standards and expectations on you, because we respect you and accept you for who you are. If we were to adopt your values, there is actually much to talk about. I do not wish to discuss further on this topic though.
Finally, I would like to invite you to take a second look at yourself, and maybe decide what do you really want? Face up to your intrinsic values and be frank about them. There is no in-between or uncertainty. If you indeed feel that I am not up to your standards of being the idealistic significant other or if you foresee that you would not be living the idealistic lifestyle with me, I would not want to debate over the issue anymore, and we can break things off. I have no wishes to be with someone who constantly feels that I am inadequate either. With your immense potential and abilities, you would certainly be able to find a matching partner. If you feel otherwise, perhaps it is time to be more accepting of others - especially somebody that you claim to love. I will also be able to put this incident behind us, once and for all.
